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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26380519">if you could shine brighter, i'd be the dark</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/UchiHime/pseuds/UchiHime'>UchiHime</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, M/M, Pre-Debut era, survival show era</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:53:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,999</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26380519</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/UchiHime/pseuds/UchiHime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>JYP Entertainment had a policy against soulmates being part of the same group. An idol with a soulmate at their side was an idol who was closed off and unavailable, unable to open their hearts to fans when the person next to them knows them more intimately than anyone else.</p><p>There were two things wrong with this way of thinking: 1, soulmate bonds aren’t always romantic, and 2, people aren’t limited to only one soulmate.<br/>-<br/>A soulmate au set during the survival show.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Everyone &amp; Everyone, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, OT8 - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I've been working on this AU for a while and I've been eager to share it. It's not complete yet, but I do have 5 chapters written, so hopefully i'll be able to update regularly. Please read my end note.</p><p>Title is from Changbin's verse in "I Am You" because that was my first SKZ song and it will always hold a special place in my heart.</p><p>Romantic relationships weren't meant to be the focus of this, but Changlix is literally the inspiration behind this AU and also am and have always been OT8 trash.</p><p>Big thanks to HiraethSatisfied for being both beta and cheerleader. Without them, this probably would have never left my drafts.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>if you could shine brighter, i'd be the dark</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“This will be our last showcase, okay?” Bang Chan said as they stood in the hall preparing to take the stage. He looked them over carefully, sharing brief eye contact with each of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were nervous. The most important performance of their life was about to start and they were trembling with fear. Their minds clouded with the mistakes they’d made in practice and how perfect their competition seemed. All of them from oldest to youngest were shaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even Bang Chan was terrified, but he couldn’t let it show. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This would be his eighth showcase and his final one no matter the result. They would either come out of this victorious with the chance to debut, or Bang Chan was going to quit. He couldn’t sit here another year getting nowhere. He’d spent seven years watching everyone around him succeed while he repeatedly fell short of being good enough and that kind of thing wears on you. This was his last chance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All his hope was pinned on the eight nervous boys standing beside him. He pushed down his own fears to be strong for them as their leader.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His visit with Twice had helped a lot. They had faith in him and had infused him with confidence. Sana especially had helped. With one touch, she’d overwhelmed his fear and insecurity with strength and support.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was so lucky to have a soulmate like Sana.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, with one touch, he tried to do the same for his eight other soulmates. He had to be brave and confident, because if he showed his fear, they would feel it too. He had to be brave for all of them, not just as their leader and senior, but as their soulmate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just have fun on the stage.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They put their hands in for a cheer and Bang Chan did his best to exude calm confidence and determination strong enough to overpower the nervous energy being reflected back to him by the others.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One. Two. Three. Fighting!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They headed for the stage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>JYP Entertainment, and most other Korean entertainment companies in fact, had a policy against soulmates being in the same unit. This policy existed for the same reason as the dating ban idols also endured. Idols belonged to their fans and were supposed to be available for them and sell the fantasy that they could one day be theirs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, just as idols sometimes secretly dated, soul-bound idols sometimes hid their bond for the sake of being together in one group. It wasn’t a difficult task, as there was no huge outward sign of a bond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soulmate bonds relied on physical touch. Through touch, bonded people could share thoughts and emotions and help calm and fortify each other. As skinship was common in close knit idol groups anyway, it was easy enough to hide so long as you don’t reveal anything in your expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being easy to hide the existence of a bond didn’t change the fact that the ban on soulmates in the same unit was stupid in the first place. If anything, having soulmates in the same unit should be seen as a good thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The idol business is notoriously high stress, and idols are under a lot of pressure and scrutiny and more and more idols have needed to take breaks for mental health reasons. Having a soulmate in the same unit who could, with just a touch, help soothe anxiety and fears and boost confidence and excitement could be an idol’s saving grace. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But agencies didn’t see it that way. An idol with a soulmate at their side was an idol who was closed off and unavailable, unable to open their hearts to fans when the person next to them knows them more intimately than anyone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Agencies seemed to be under the impression that it would be impossible to hide a soulmate bond and that once it inevitably came out, fans would stop supporting the idol who was no longer available for their romantic fantasies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were two things wrong with this way of thinking: 1, soulmate bonds aren’t always romantic, and 2, people aren’t limited to only one soulmate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Less than half of soulmate bonds developed into romantic/sexual relationships; most of the time bonds turned out to be completely platonic or closer to familial. There are even known cases of blood related family members (including parents with their child and siblings) having soul bonds, so the insinuation that a soulmate bond is always romantic was quite harmful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the media had been selling the concept of romantic soulmates for so long, people tend to only remember platonic and familial soulmate bonds when people of the same sex had soulmate bonds and conservatives wanted to steep in their homophobia by pointing out that didn’t have to mean anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, it was up to the bonded to discover for themselves the nature of their bond; the opinions of the rest of the world mattering little in the long run. And since being born with only a single soulmate was rarer even than being born with no soulmate, there’s a strong likelihood of a single person having every type of bond or even more than one of each.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The highest recorded number of soulmates to a single person was twenty-three. That being 23 different people all bonded to one person but not necessarily bonded to each other. This large number of soul bonds was definitely an outlier though. The average person had between two to five soulmates.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bang Chan had ten soulmates. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The company was only aware of two of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He and Sana would have never debuted together anyway, since JYPE tended to steer away from mixed gender groups, but he’d thought there was hope for him and Bambam up until the very last moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d been children when they met and hadn’t thought to hide what they were to each other, especially since the soulmate bond transcended language barriers and made life easier for three displaced children on foreign soil, struggling to understand this new country and each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They really were proof of how hard the universe fought to bring soulmates together; the likelihood of a boy from Australia, a boy from Thailand, and a girl from Japan coming together in neither of those countries without the interference for Fate being next to impossible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though Bambam and Sana weren’t soulmates with each other, so really it was like the universe had acted for Chan’s sake alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While Bang Chan didn’t get to debut with either of the soulmates the company knew about, Bambam at least got to debut with Yugyeom who was also his soulmate, though their initial jealousy and antagonism of each other had concealed that. And Sana had secretly told him she had soulmates within Twice, but hadn’t mentioned any names.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time Bang Chan met his other soulmates, he knew the importance of keeping it quiet. When Bang Chan had hand picked the members of the group he wished to debut with, no one suspected the tangled web of soulmate bonds tying them all to him and to each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d decided they would hide it only until they officially debuted. After that, well they wouldn’t exactly announce it, but they would stop being subtle about it. They’d probably never be able to confirm their bond without JYPE disbanding their group, terminating their contracts, or worse; but fans were going to speculate regardless. They could pass it off as fanservice and feed the shippers, while sharing the benefits of that come from skinship with their soul bonded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>None of them had yet figured out the form their bonds would take, but it really didn’t matter if they would one day see each other as brothers, best friends, or lovers; all that really mattered was the bonds existed and it made them all desperately want to debut together. After their debut, they’d have the rest of their lives to figure out what they were to each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But the first step was getting to debut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their showcase performance lasted roughly three minutes. It simultaneously felt as though it passed in a blink and dragged on a lifetime. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s near perfection. All their practice paid off in them moving like a well-oiled machine on stage, with none of the previous mistakes and accidents that had plagued their rehearsals repeating. Well, Chan had fallen, but he’d bounced back up and fell back into formation as if it was nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked off stage with a weight lifted from their shoulders, content in the knowledge that they’d given their all and their fate was now in another’s hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat in silence in the waiting room, waiting for the conclusion of the showcase. The room was somehow tense and calm all at once. No one seemed able to look at anyone for more than a second at a time and no one knew what to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally the showcase ended and the audience left and they’re called back to the stage to meet with JYP.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In light of recent revelations, I'm know we would all be happier if a certain person was not included in this fic. I had always intended to keep mention of him to a minimum anyway because he's not part of the group anymore (in the 5 chapters i already have written, he didn't even have a speaking line, just his name coming up a few times), I have since gone through and rewritten things to include even less of him, but I've been unable to remove him entirely because of the setting of this fic. It's set during the survival show, and he was present at that time. As much as I'd like too, I feel like I can't just pretend he was never there. :c</p><p>Tell me if you would prefer I erase him entirely and I'll see what I can do.</p><p>Anyway, please leave a comment. Feedback is always appreciated.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Bang Chan had been alone for a long time. He’d come to Korea from Australia alone when he was just thirteen years old, leaving behind his family and friends and everything he’d ever known. Then, as a JYP trainee, he’d made new friends and met two of his soulmates and wasn’t alone anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was until he stayed a trainee for over five years and had watched as his friends and soulmates all debuted or were let go, leaving him alone again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t good for people like him to be alone. He got trapped in his head, spiraled into dark thoughts, questioned his every choice and his very existence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meeting the others had saved him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d known he had more soulmates than just Sana and Bambam. Everyone just had an instinctual knowledge of how many soulmates they had, so Chan had known for as long as he’d known what soulmates are that he had ten of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Chan hadn’t known where or when he’d meet his other soulmates. Sure, the universe had conspired to bring him, Sana, and Bambam together in one place, but what were the odds that would happen again? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then, one by one, his other soulmates had walked through the doors of JYPE and drove away Chan’s loneliness, pulled him out of the darkness, and gave him back hope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When JYP announced that theirs would be the group to debut, Chan almost cried from relief and joy. It was finally happening, all his efforts were finally paying off. Not only would Chan debut, he would do so with the majority of his soulmates at his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then JYP had handed them an ultimatum. Members who were lacking skill would not be allowed to debut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d thought they’d finally reached their startline. Who could have thought there would be an obstacle course before the real race even began?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For one day, he decided they would not dwell on it. Everyone would be moving into the dorm and they’d take a free day just to be together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Worrying about everything else could come later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They turned choosing roommates into a game, then they cooked and ate dinner together like a family, and then they headed out to the arcade to act like normal teens for a while, ignoring the cameras following their every move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan knew that the entire day, he had stared at them all with his entire heart in his eyes, plain for all the world to see, but he couldn’t help it. He loved them all so much. They were his soulmates, how could he not love them? Honestly, he thinks he’d probably love them even if they weren’t soul bound. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Each of them were so talented and hardworking and passionate. He could see his own drive and determination reflected in each of them and it made him even more determined to see them succeed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re not perfect, of course, not individually or as a group. There’s always some sort of dissonance when so many different personalities come together. They had known each other long enough to have passed the ‘getting to know each other’ phase, but they were all still young enough to be in the ‘getting to know themselves’ phase and it affected how they fit together. But they were all willing to put personal grudges aside for the sake of the group, and that’s all that really mattered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After their day at the arcade, it was time to get to work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>JYP PD-nim had asked them to create a completely original stage, which was by no means an easy task. Luckily, Chan had already created a few tracks for them to choose from, but then came restructuring the chosen track for nine voices, figuring out the melody, writing the lyrics, developing choreography and then mastering it all within the time constraints.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the leader, it was Chan’s responsibility to make sure everyone else was up to snuff. He didn’t want to see anyone eliminated; he didn't want to see anyone eliminated because he was too soft on them and didn’t push them to be better. He had to be strict, for everyone’s sake. He just wanted to see them succeed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s fine. He had others there to be soft when he’s too tough. When Chan pushed Jeongin too hard, Minho took on the task of leading him through the choreography with a gentler hand. When Hyunjin stumbled over his rap and Chan criticized him, Changbin helped him rehearse later. They all played their part, working together to reach their shared dream, riding their Hellevator to the top.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things felt easier when the cameras were off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On screen, under the watching eyes of the world, there was always a degree of holding back. There was always this underlying fear of revealing too much and ruining everything. Holding back like this didn’t feel natural for soulmates, but it was necessary for the group’s sake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s only so much skinship and intimacy they could allow to be seen, and they were already pushing it with the way Jisung had casually rested in Minho’s arms while they were choosing the track. They couldn’t risk much more than that. It caused them to become stiffer and more tense, but they had no other choice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But when the cameras were off, they could relax. They could reach out to each other like their souls called out for them to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the cameras were off, Chan could be softer. He’d still be the strict leader needed to push them forward, but he could take a moment with each of them, sharing gentle touches to gauge their condition and offer reassurance and assuage worries in the way only a soulmate could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A newly recognized soulmate bond wasn’t an instant doorway into each other’s innermost thoughts and feelings; this took time and effort to build. Fed by physical touch or even just spending time together, soulmate bonds slowly grow steadily stronger over time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first touch, soulmates only feel a vague sense of whatever emotion the other was projecting. But, with regular interaction, the deeper, more hidden emotions could be uncovered. With more contact, soulmates could project their own emotions onto each other, but it’s more of a suggestion than a direct or overpowering influence on the other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That suggestion could become stronger, though, like one person yelling over the other—louder and more persistent but not completely erasing the other’s emotions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After months of regular interaction and physical contact, soulmates generally developed the ability to directly influence each other’s emotions. For example if your soulmate was feeling anxious, you could grasp hold of their anxiety and help dispel it while feeding calmness in its place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was also around the time the ability to read each other’s surface thought’s formed. However, the sharing of thoughts takes as much time and effort to build up as reading or influencing emotions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another deciding factor in all of this is how receptive a soulmate was to the bond. If a person was distant and emotionally closed off, or just too stubborn to allow anyone any kind of influence over them, no amount of contact could slip past their barriers without their consent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were also the people who found soulmate bonds to be too intrusive or people who had trouble allowing themselves to be vulnerable. Or people who just shunned physical touch. All of which impeded the growth of a soul bond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the other hand, a person who wore their heart on their sleeve and left themselves wide open emotionally or who was free with physical touch, could progress through the development of the bond at a much faster rate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bang Chan was lucky when it came to soulmates. None of them resisted the bond or rejected the comfort he offered. Even Minho, who was like a cat in that he wanted affection only on his own terms, had allowed their bond to grow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this point, only the members of 3RACHA were at the point where they could read each other’s thoughts, but he’d get there with everyone eventually. After they debuted, they would have all the time in the world to build up their bonds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is what spurred him forward. He’d been separated from soulmates before by the barrier known as “debut”, he would not let that happen again. No one was going to be left behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one was going to be left alone.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>D-Day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was like the day of the showcase all over again with how nervous everyone was. Seungmin was pacing the room and Felix was checking his pulse and Hyunjin was mumbling his rap over and over and Jisung was shaking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some members were calmer than the others and attempted to help ease the nervous energy with jokes or their own still growing soulmate bonds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>While everyone being soulmates with Chan didn’t automatically make them all soulmates with each other, there was a surprising number of soul bonds within their group. Woojin was the only one solely bonded to Bang Chan, while Felix was bonded to everyone except Woojin and everyone else fell in between with at least one additional soulmate among the members.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>These soulmates finding comfort in each other helped a lot in easing the weight on Bang Chan’s shoulders. As leader, Chan happily took on the task of helping the others deal with extreme emotions, but one person alone wasn’t meant to carry the emotions of nine. It was good to be able to share the burden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In front of JYP, they couldn’t be too obvious about influencing each other, so they did what they could before heading into the room to complete their mission.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you soulmates?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The question was asked as soon as they were done re-performing their song with the adjustments made by JYP.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room went so silent, one could hear a pin drop. Panic flared in Chan’s chest as he opened his mouth to lie while internally wondering what had given them away. But he didn’t need to lie, because the question wasn’t directed at him or at the group as a whole.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>JYP’s eyes were firmly fixed on Jisung and Minho, his expression entirely unreadable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two stumbled over each other to answer. “N-no sir!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>JYP looked unconvinced. “Being told to rap for the first time with no practice, with the threat of elimination hanging over your head, must have made you pretty nervous, Minho. But you did surprisingly well. That had nothing to do with Jisung holding your hand?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was helping me keep the beat,” Minho said. “He squeezed my hand in time with the rhythm, which kept me calm and focused. Yes, it was a comfort, but not because we’re soulmates.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t lying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minho and Jisung really weren’t soulmates. The problem was, people tended to treat the questions “are you soulmates” and “are you in a relationship” as if they were one and the same. There was always the assumption that if two people were dating, then they must be soulmates, even though there was no such expectation for the reverse, two people being soulmates automatically meaning they were dating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dating outside of soulmate bonds brought about mixed reactions. Some people thought it was something you absolutely should not do, but other people saw no problem with it. It was a matter of personal preference.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minho and Jisung weren’t soulmates, but that didn’t put them firmly in the “just friends” territory. There was some unnamed thing between them that no one dared to acknowledge. They both had multiple soulmates within Stray Kids, but were for some reason drawn to each other more. Their attraction to each other was obvious to all the members, yet for some reason they hadn’t really acted on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan only knew the whole truth because Jisung confided in him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Han Jisung was more than willing to pursue a romantic relationship with Lee Minho, but Minho was only interested in romantic relationships with his soulmates. He acknowledged his attraction to Jisung, but had no intention of pursuing it. So they danced around each other, somewhere between friends and something more, but definitely not soulmates.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>JYP made a noncommittal noise in response to Minho’s comment, instead turning to fix his gaze on Bang Chan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Channie, you were given free reign over the formation of this group. No one questioned who you chose as members, or why they were chosen. This group is your project and I wish to see it succeed, which is why I’m willing to make the tough decisions and cut those who might hold you back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now he looked at the group as a whole. “As you all should know, JYPE has a clear policy about soulmates being in the same unit. This policy has been in place since the founding of the company. I am aware that not everyone agrees with the policy, and there will always be people who will attempt to use deception in order to have things their way, but the truth always comes out. That being said, anyone blatantly flouting the rules and disregarding company policy will also be cut. Is that understood?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all replied with some form of “yes, sir,” some of them too afraid to even meet his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright then,” JYP said with a nod of finality. “If you say you’re not soulmates, I have no reason to believe you’d lie to me, so I will take you at your word.” He turned to the staff behind the cameras, “I trust that this discussion will be left out of the final cut? Good.” He turned back to the group, “Now, back to your performance review…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They left the challenge with heavy hearts and heavier thoughts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Three members were marked for elimination and they’d been given a reminder of what they risked if their soulmate bonds came to light. No one had escaped criticism. And now they had to prepare for shooting their first ever music video, which was as terrifying as it was exciting, and after that came another challenge with the risk of elimination.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their future and their choices weighed on them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They dragged themselves back to their dorm with the question of “what next” circling through everyone’s head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bang Chan watched them; these eight boys the universe had chosen to tie his soul to. JYP had given him the same criticism as he’d been given after their showcase; he’d told him that Chan needed to be more selfish on stage. But Chan was already being selfish. Just having these eight boys at his side was the most selfish act he could dare commit. What could be more selfish than being clearly told he was not allowed something and fighting for it anyway?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He said anyone blatantly flouting the rules would be cut,” Chan said to his frightened soulmates, “so just don’t be blatant about it. Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>From here on, chapters will be from alternating POVs and should be a little longer. I've been doing a lot of small rewrites, though, so I may take longer to update as I keep picking apart and changing things. I'm kinda struggling with an actual plot.</p><p>As always, thanks for reading, please comment. See ya next whenever. Stream Back Door.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A new POV for you.....</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Felix had a lot of soulmates. If he thought about it, he could give the exact number of soulmates he had, including ones he hadn’t met yet, but he purposefully chose not to think about it. Felix had been raised in a Catholic household and the Catholic Church had some strong opinions about soulmate bonds and relationships. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Catholic Church had strong opinions about a lot of things, actually. Things like same sex attraction. Which had caused middle school Felix a lot of internal conflict when he’d realized he was just as (if not more) attracted to boys as he was to girls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Catholic Church had a negative view on soulmates in general, and on romantic soulmates in particular.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were some religions that allowed marriage only between soul bound people, because soulmates were seen as a gift from god and relationships outside those bonds were an insult to Him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the other end of the spectrum were the religions that frowned upon romantic relationships and marriages between soulmates, because the level of intimacy it brought distracted from their relationship with god. This is where Catholicism fell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And not just romantic soulmates either, the Catholic church taught that all soulmate bonds were an affront to god, even encouraging the removal of children from households where they were soul bound to a family member.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Denial of soulmate bonds was as much a part of Catholicism as praying the rosary and taking communion. So, like a Good Catholic Boy, Felix had tried not to think too hard about his soulmates. “Tried” being the keyword in that sentence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It helped that he hadn’t met any of his soulmates as a kid in Australia. He’d never told his parents the number of bonds he could feel within, but if he’d met one, he would have to tell. A good son would tell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thing is, Felix was a selfish person. His religion meant a lot to him, he owed a lot to his faith, but his own happiness meant a lot to him, too. When he was tearing himself apart in misery over his bisexuality, Felix came to the realization that faith shouldn’t make you feel like that. If your religion caused you genuine despair from being at war with yourself over something you can’t control, then maybe it’s wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d decided then and there that if he ever found himself in love with a man, he wouldn’t pursue the life of chastity the Catholic Church dictated, but would live in the way that best made him happy. It was a selfish decision, but what’s wrong with living happily in a way that harmed no one? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he decided the same went for if he ever met his soulmates. He would not blindly follow the teachings of the Church if it meant sacrificing his own happiness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Felix had told his parents he wanted to move to Korea and become an idol, they had not approved. They had good reasons for not wanting him to pursue such a dream, but Felix had made up his mind. In this too, he would be selfish. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d gone to Korea with something to prove and had thrown himself into training. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t easy. He’d struggled with how the trainee system worked. He’d struggled with the criticism teachers gave him, criticism given in a language he struggled to understand. He hadn’t gotten along with his fellow trainees and hadn’t bothered with cultivating friendships, not even with the soulmates he’d met. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was the biggest change from Sydney to Seoul. It was one thing to </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> he had more than a few soulmates while he ran around Sydney without meeting any of them, but upon arrival to Seoul, he couldn’t throw a rock without hitting someone soul bound to him and that shook him up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite his previous decision to happily embrace any soulmate he meets, when Felix had actually met his soulmates, he’d turned them away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d thought soulmates would just be an unnecessary distraction, hindering the way to his goal, so when his soulmates had reached out to him, he’d pulled away instead of reaching back. He didn’t care how they felt, he only cared for himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If not for Bang Chan, Felix probably wouldn’t have lasted as long as he did. He owed a lot to Bang Chan. Chan felt like a little piece of home in this new and frightening environment, and for Chan, Felix was the same. Because of that, it was likely they would have been drawn to each other even if they weren’t soulmates.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was also thanks to Chan that Felix got to know his other soulmates, as they happened to also be Chan’s soulmates. He’d met them all before at some point or another, but he'd been too wrapped up in himself to spare them any attention. Now, no longer overwhelmed by being in a new place and thinking only of proving himself, and with Chan’s encouragement, Felix softened and became more receptive to the friendly advances of the others.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisung eagerly claimed Felix as his twin. Hyunjin was happy to have a new dancing partner. Seungmin brought a calmness Felix hadn’t known he’d needed. And Jeongin was the adorable younger brother he’d always wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only Minho held himself back from building a deeper relationship with Felix. Back when they’d first discovered they were soulmates, Minho had reached out in hopes of forming a friendship with Felix, but Felix had shunned his efforts. Minho was not the type to risk being scorned twice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They weren’t hostile to each other like Jisung and Hyunjin were, but there seemed to be this barrier between them they couldn’t pass no matter how they tried. And they did try. Minho took it upon himself to help Felix with his Korean and they often talked about dance together, but no matter their efforts, they weren’t quite friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix, who was naturally warm and affectionate when not stressed to his limits, felt guilty about their relationship, knowing that he had been the one to cause the tension between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the second mission of their survival show, they’d split into three groups, each consisting of an elimination candidate, a member of 3RACHA, and one other. Felix had chosen to join the group with Minho and Changbin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix’s relationship with Changbin was the opposite of his relationship with Minho. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changbin was the only soulmate other than Chan that Felix had bothered with getting to know from the beginning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seo Changbin was a story of contradictions. At a glance, he came off as dark and brooding, and hearing him rap supported that and made him seem intimidating, but he was actually very kind and supportive and funny and sweet. When he and Felix had first met, he could tell Felix was nervous and overwhelmed and had gone out of his way to try to help him relax. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What Felix first noticed about Changbin was that he was very handsome. When he’d told him that in his muddled Korean, Changbin had disagreed and thought Felix was teasing him. They became instant friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was almost two weeks before they’d realized they were soulmates because they hadn’t shook hands on their first meeting and Felix had purposefully been holding himself back from touching Changbin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At his core, Felix was a physical person. Hugs and handholding and casual touches came as naturally to him as breathing. But when he’d moved to Korea, he’d tried to stifle that part of himself. Korea, he knew, was a conservative country. Felix had known moving there would mean hiding parts of himself, such as the fact that he was bisexual. He assumed that also meant having to hold back his desire for physical affection. Sure, Chan was receptive to his touch, but Chan was basically Australian, so he didn’t count.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, despite their quickly growing friendship and Felix’s constant cravings for physical affection, every time Felix had wanted to reach out and touch Changbin, he’d restrained himself. Changbin had noticed his aborted attempts at touching quickly and had reached out to him instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>First touch with a soulmate isn’t the ground shaking, sparks flying, time stopping moment movies paint it out to be. It’s not two puzzle pieces sliding into place or a sudden feeling of being complete. First touch with a soulmate is a small wave of emotion that’s both familiar and new and the thought that, “huh, it’s you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changbin reached out and laced his fingers with Felix’s and they never looked back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changbin helped Felix a lot with his rap and his Korean. Felix really looked up to him and he may have had something of a small crush on him. When he’d realized his feelings, he’d briefly panicked, not wanting Changbin to feel it through their bond when it was such a small thing that Felix had no intention of acting on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix liked Changbin regardless of whether or not Changbin felt that same, he’d be content so long as he stayed at his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It would be enough to stay at his side, but…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Felix was selfish.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about it?” Felix asked, holding the Jenga block that demanded a kiss in his hands. “You love me, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minho nearly choked on his chicken from how hard he was laughing, but Felix only had eyes for Changbin. Felix hadn’t exactly been subtle about his crush on Changbin, but until now it had been something unacknowledged between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you like me or not?” he asked, his heart pounding in his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really want to die,” Changbin said, as he wrapped his hands around Felix’s neck and pulled him closer, a grip that seemed firm but was actually quite gentle, just like Changbin himself. From his touch, Felix could feel only Changbin’s amusement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just joking!” Felix yelled, suddenly panicked, even as the staff behind the camera told them to go through with it for at least three seconds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For three seconds, Changbin lips touched Felix’s cheek and Felix felt as though his heart would beat right out of his chest. In that moment, Felix’s small crush burst and he knew he was in love, the emotion setting in so quickly, Felix had no time to even consider burying it down. Changbin had to have felt it the moment it happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>From Changbin, Felix felt a wave of first confusion, and then surprise, but no rejection. Felix couldn’t help but squeal in delight, the sound amplified by his microphone and broadcast through the entire park.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as the three seconds were up, Changbin flung him away, still not projecting any rejection through their bond. Even without Changbin’s continued touch, the electric buzz of excitement under Felix’s skin did not fade.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Shoutout to that one friend I randomly messaged "so you're catholic right?" and they responded "just took +50 psychic damage from the question, but yes I was raised catholic" and then proceeded to help me unravel the mess I'd made of this chapter. even though i ended up not using most of what we talked about, i really appreciate the effort.</p><p>so the minlix relationship in this chapter was inspired by their 2 kids room ep. i promise i have every intention of fixing it. but how did you like felix's pov?</p><p>Please comment. Keep streaming Back Door.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Han Jisung had mixed feelings about soulmates. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His main problem was that people tended to think soul bonds were the most important relationships in life, and Jisung personally thought that was a flawed and frankly offensive way of thinking. That’s not to say he didn’t think soul bonds were important or that soulmates weren’t important to people, just that he didn’t think they were always the </span>
  <em>
    <span>most</span>
  </em>
  <span> important.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t dislike soulmates either; he disliked the assumed superiority of a soul bound relationship over a non-soul bound one. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jisung’s older brother was soulmates with both of their parents. Jisung knew that this didn’t mean his parents loved his brother more than him, but sometimes siblings fought and children could be cruel and his brother would, in the heat of anger, say things like “that’s why mom and dad love me more” or lie and say “they don’t even like you, I felt it through the bond” and even little comments not in anger but childish pettiness like “I’m their soulmate, that means I’m the favorite child.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their parents would always punish his brother harshly if they heard him say things like that, and his brother would always apologize later after his anger had cooled off. His parents tried their hardest to show how much they loved Jisung with their words and actions, since he couldn’t feel their love with just a touch the way his brother could. Still, it was alienating in a way, being the only member of the household not tied together by the soul.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe that was where his anxiety had started.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His parents had been the ones to teach Jisung that soul bonds weren’t the most important relationships in life. His dad would even jokingly say that the only reason soulmates existed was because the universe knew two people would need the extra help if they were ever going to love each other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Some people are just hard to love, Sungie,” his dad would say. “Soul bonds are there to make it easier. But you’re already so easy to love, we don’t need to be soulmates to make it happen.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And so, in the same cruelty his brother displayed, Jisung’s own words yelled in anger were often “our parents only love you because you force them. They wouldn’t even like you if you weren’t soulmates.” Of course, he would be punished just as harshly as his brother when their parents heard him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luckily, they eventually grew out of intentionally saying the most hurtful thing possible no matter how angry they were at each other. Unfortunately, the damage had already been done, and Jisung occasionally suffered from streaks of anxiety and self doubt so bad it was nearly crippling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even knowing that soulmates weren’t the most important people in his life, Jisung sometimes couldn’t stop himself from wondering. He knew that somewhere out there in the world he had four soulmates waiting to meet him. He couldn’t help but wonder what kind of people they were, what they would be to him, and whether they would love him despite his faults.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Most people met at least one of their soulmates before the age of thirteen. But even by the time Jisung had flown to Seoul for an exam at age fourteen and convinced his parents to let him audition for idol agencies while he was there, he hadn’t met any of his soulmates yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then he’d gotten accepted into JYP and met Chan, and his other soulmates appeared one after another.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Having even just one soulmate at his side had made a world of difference for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The first time Jisung had a panic attack in the JYP building, Chan had found him curled up in a bathroom stall. Chan obviously had experience helping people through anxiety attacks, because he’d kept calm and done all the right things: he had talked to him in a careful tone, had helped coach his breathing away from hyperventilating, hadn’t tried to use those bullshit distraction methods that rarely ever works, and he had assured him over and over that he wasn’t alone and that he would get through this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But the biggest surprise had come when Chan had asked if he could touch him. Jisung had gotten his breathing under control, but he was still shaking and panicking and Chan had asked, “Can I hold your hand? If you don’t want to be touched, that’s fine. But, I can help ease your emotions if I can touch you. Is it alright if I do that? You don’t have to speak, just nod or shake your head.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jisung’s anxiety wasn’t a constant thing. It was usually triggered by some combination of stress or crowds. Most of the time he managed it pretty well. And even when his anxiety was higher than he could manage alone, full blown panic attacks were still a rare occurrence. When they did happen, he either had someone there to talk him down, or he dealt with it alone and pulled the shattered pieces of himself back together later.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was the first time he’d had a soulmate there during a panic attack. This was the first time he saw for himself why people put soulmates up on pedestals. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chan didn’t end his panic attack and magically cure his anxiety with just a touch, but he did teach him, in that one touch, the difference between feeling yourself falling apart and fighting to hold it all together on your own, and feeling yourself falling apart and having someone helping you hold it all together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s not like Jisung hadn’t believed his family was there for him when they’d helped him down from panic attacks before, but it’s easy to disregard words and even actions. But when you can actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> how much someone cares about you and wants you to be okay, there’s just no way to deny it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jisung still didn’t think soul bonds were always the most important relationships in life or that they were in any way superior to non-soul bound relationships, but he couldn’t deny how much his soulmates meant to him and how much he wanted them to always be at his side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was why Jisung wanted Stray Kids to succeed. He wanted to debut with this group; with Chan and Changbin and Felix, the three soulmates already as close to him as his brother; with Hyunjin, that one soulmate he couldn’t stand but also didn’t want to leave behind; with Minho, who was not his soulmate but was something to him, different from everyone else; and with Woojin and Seungmin and Jeongin, the three other dreamers who meant just as much to him as the rest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>None of his relationships within the group were superior to the others because of trivial things like the universe interfering. He was closer to some of them because of familiarity, because he’d known them longer or had worked with them closer and was already comfortable with them, but he loved them all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After their first mission, one of his soulmates, his </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and the kid he saw as his little brother despite not being bound to him were all marked for elimination. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The members of 3RACHA had become de facto leaders within the group and each took responsibility for one of the elimination candidates. Of the three, Jisung was always going to choose Jeongin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The thing is, Jisung really liked Minho. Like, liked him alot. Like in the want to kiss his face and fall asleep in his arms and spend every day with him kind of way. He wouldn’t go far as to call it love, because this thing between them was still so new and love was a heavy word, but he could easily see himself doing so one day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And he knew Minho liked him too, he’d told him so. But Minho hyung was still holding on to the idea of a romantic soulmate and that was something Jisung couldn’t be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was something between them. The two of them had clicked and they seemed to understand each other in ways no one else could. They were special to each other, they cared about each other. But whatever it was between them, it wasn’t a soul bond, so Jisung wasn’t what Minho wanted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that was fine. If it would make his hyung happy, they didn’t need to be anything more than what they were. It was probably for the best anyway. If they tried to date and it didn’t work out, the messy emotions left behind could affect the entire group and that wasn’t something either of them wanted. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So the feelings between them stayed teetering on the edge or almost, not quite, something. And because of this, Jisung could not work with Minho for this mission.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>While Jisung thought he could remain unbiased and impartial, there was always the risk that he’d look at Minho and that </span>
  <em>
    <span>almost something</span>
  </em>
  <span> between them would act like rose-tinted glasses and leave him unable to see his flaws to correct them, or that he would try to avoid that and be much too strict instead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jisung’s relationship with Hyunjin was a prime example of why he and Minho shouldn’t risk dating and ending badly. Jisung and Hyunjin had never dated, of course, but they had been close friends. Jisung wasn’t entirely sure what had changed. Hyunjin was Jisung’s soulmate, but the only reason they weren’t actively trying to rip each other’s throats out was because they’d decided to pretend to get along for the sake of the group. Working together would be impossible.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That left Jeongin, who was by no means his last choice in partners. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yang Jeongin was a rough unpolished gem with the potential to outshine them all. Jisung selfishly wanted to be one of the people who helped hone that potential. So he quickly snatched up the opportunity to work with Jeongin and set about making a song and stage where the younger boy would undoubtedly shine and the whole world would see him in a new light.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But after they performed their 3-3-3 stages for JYP, Jisung couldn’t help but think maybe he should have worked with Minho after all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hadn’t done a good enough job at polishing Jeongin, because JYP could not see his shine. And Minho…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Minho.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hope you all are safe and healthy and taking care of yourselves. </p>
<p>thanks for reading, please comment.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Minho had messed up his lyrics, and just like that, he knew it was all over for him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With one messed up line, all his hard work until now was null and void.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With one messed up line, he’d shattered the dreams of nine different people.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Compared to when I chose you as an elimination candidate, Minho, you didn’t get much better,” JYP had said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Those words foretold the end.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The three of them made their way off stage, and the staff went out to set up for the next group. As soon as they reached the sidelines, Chan reached around Changbin to pat Minho on the back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You did well,” he said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Those words felt like empty platitudes. The over-the-clothing touch was too brief for Minho to actually get a sense of Chan’s emotions, but he didn’t need the soulmate bond to know the other was disappointed. Minho was disappointed in himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Guilt settled heavy in his stomach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Changbin and Felix stood on either side of him and Minho couldn’t help but regret. The two of them had done their best to help him, but their efforts had been wasted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hyung, why did you do that?” Felix asked softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Were you nervous?” Changbin asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah…” There was a lump in his throat, spiked and burning. He tried to swallow it down and hold himself together. He tilted his head back and stared up at the ceiling as if that would keep the tears in his eyes from falling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why had he done that? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why hadn’t he performed the way he had in practice? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why mess up the one time it counts? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because he was a self-sabotaging idiot, that’s why.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All Minho had ever wanted to do was dance. When he’d first asked his mother to put him in classes, he hadn’t yet known how much it would mean to him, but after the very first lesson, he had never looked back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minho wasn’t good at expressing himself with words, but the need to be understood was a basic human desire. He’d fallen in love with dancing because it was a way to express himself that actually felt comfortable. He could put his heart into his dance and be understood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was also dancing that had led him to his soulmates.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minho was a romantic at heart. His parents were a perfect soulmate couple. His grandparents were a perfect soulmate couple. And that is what Minho had always wanted for himself: a perfect soulmate romance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minho wasn’t good at showing affection in loud ways. He preferred subtlety, showing his love in small deeds even if he didn’t say the words often. But he was also aware that most people needed to hear the words or they would doubt. That was why he wanted a soulmate romance. A soulmate wouldn’t need large displays of affection to know he cared, they would know with every little touch; even if Minho never said it out loud, his soulmate would still know. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minho had five soulmates and he had already met two of them before joining JYP. The first was a sunbae from his old dance crew, a year or so older than Minho and too kind for her own good.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jiwon sunbae was so bright she was blinding. She was loud and boisterous and rarely ever without a smile. She was beautiful and hardworking and passionate and undoubtedly one of the best dancers Minho had ever met. She always took the time to help if someone was struggling, but she had no patience for slackers. The only time Minho had ever seen her angry was when some members of the dance team were goofing off and someone got hurt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Jiwon had realized Minho was her soulmate, she’d flashed that too-bright smile at him and had demanded he call her noona and immediately started treating him as though they’d known each other for years. Minho had looked up to her as a sunbae and he admired her skill and work ethic.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At the time they’d met, Minho hadn’t seen his bond with Jiwon being anything but platonic. Yeah, Minho had had his romantic ideas in mind and had hoped to make them a reality upon meeting his first soulmate, but Jiwon had been dating a classmate who wasn’t her soulmate but she was quite enamored with, and Minho had no intention of coming between them. Besides that, Minho had little interest in girls or romance at the time; he just wanted to dance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But a couple months after Minho had joined the dance crew, Jiwon and her boyfriend broke up. Minho supported her through the breakup as any good friend should. He would stay late at the dance studio helping her pour her emotions into choreography, tease her until she couldn’t help but laugh, then take her out for food and walk her home after.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hadn’t thought he was doing anything special with her; nothing more than he’d do for any friend at least, but there’s a certain stigma about boys and girls being friends, especially when they’re soulmates. It wasn’t long before everyone around them were asking if they were dating. Minho always tried to deny it as firmly as he could without it making it seem like he was offended by the idea of dating her, but Jiwon-noona only ever blushed and changed the subject whenever the question came up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She ended up asking him out. Well, she didn’t quite ask so much as told him flatout that they would be going on a date that weekend. She said she appreciated him being a gentleman and not trying to drag her into a relationship right after she’d left one, but she was tired of waiting around for him to make the first move. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The nature of soulmate bonds is that they can’t be forced into being something they’re not. If a bond is meant to be platonic, it will be platonic. If it’s meant to be romantic, then it would naturally become romantic. You can’t force it one way or another. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If a bond was meant to be platonic, then no matter how much you played like it was romantic, it wouldn’t work out that way and with every touch you would be reminded that you’re reaching for something that’s not there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was almost unheard of for one person in a soul bond to develop romantic feelings while the other didn’t. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Almost</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minho would say that he’d just never thought too hard about girls and romance before Jiwon, but that wasn't true. Truth was, Minho had thought as hard about girls and romance as he’d thought about soulmates. He was about 94.03% sure he had no interest in girls romantically. But that still left a small chance that maybe he was just waiting for the right girl and maybe Jiwon could be that girl.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He and Jiwon dated for two and a half months. By the end of the first month, every time they touched, Minho could feel how she loved him and Jiwon could feel how much he didn’t love her in the same way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A romantic soulmate was all Minho had ever wanted and Jiwon was </span>
  <em>
    <span>right there</span>
  </em>
  <span> offering him that on a silver platter, as blindingly bright and beautiful, hardworking and talented as she’d always been. She was everything he should have wanted, but he couldn’t force what wasn’t there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All he ever wanted to do was dance, but the thought of having to see Jiwon made him dread going to the studio everyday. Minho wasn’t the type to lie to himself, pretend to be anything he was not, or use people for his own selfishness. He was 99% sure he was gay and that meant as long as he stayed with her, Minho would be lying to them both and using her to meet an ideal. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So he broke up with her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He broke up with her the morning of his JYPE audition. Which was probably not the best timing, since he was still dealing with the emotional fallout during the audition itself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t get a callback from JYPE, so he assumed he’d failed the audition. That was fine. He continued on with his dancing career, nothing gained, nothing lost.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next soulmate he met was Hoseok. Hobi. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m your hope. You’re my hope. I’m J-Hope.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minho wondered if every one of his soulmates would be talented dancers with too-bright smiles and more passion than sense.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And because he was J-Hope’s soulmate, Minho was let in on one of the biggest secrets in the idol industry: the entirety of BTS were soul bound to each other. Every single one of them. In an industry where even one secret soul bond could mean the disbanding of a group, somehow the seven of them had managed to hide it long enough, and the group had become big enough, that even if it came out, no one would even think of disbanding them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minho never stood a chance. Hobi was nice and friendly, but distant. Weighed against his group mates and the bonds they’d been cultivating for years through failure and success, Minho was no one to Hoseok. And that was fine. Minho wasn’t looking for romance or relationships or friendships or anything. He just wanted to dance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All he ever wanted to do was dance. Nothing else mattered. So he ignored the way his soul called out for Hoseok, disregarding the uncomfortable itch under this skin as he held himself back. It was probably all in his head anyway. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He focused instead on the thrill of performance, on the way the roar of the crowd made his heart stutter in his chest the same way Hobi’s smile sometimes did, on the electric excitement from being on stage that was far greater than the small buzz he’d gotten the scant few times he and Hobi had touched.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wondered if this was how Jiwon felt whenever she reached out to touch him with her heart bared open, only to be met by his indifference. A romantic soulmate was what Minho wanted, and that was what Jiwon offered him, except Minho didn’t want her. And now, here was Jung Hoseok, bright like blinding and everything Minho wanted, except this time Minho was the one unwanted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe it was a weird kind of self-flagellation, making himself stay at Hoseok’s side despite how it tore him up inside. The same kind of self-flagellation that had led to him sabotaging himself by breaking up with Jiwon the morning of his audition. Maybe there was part of him that felt that he didn’t deserve more than this, than to stand in the background while others shined center stage, with a soulmate so close but beyond his reach. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then JYP called him back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then he met Bang Chan and Hyunjin and Felix. All talented dancers with too-bright smiles and more passion than sense, so of course they were his soulmates.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And he’d met Jisung, who was just as blindingly bright and passionate, and who made Minho feel things no one else ever had, and made him wonder if the universe had made a mistake in not making them soulmates, and who was better than Minho deserved.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Chan had come to him saying he wanted to try forming a group with all his soulmates, Minho had agreed right away because he knew it was possible. He’d seen for himself, with BTS, how great a group made up of soulmates could be and that it could stay hidden and survive.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minho had wanted Stray Kids to succeed. He’d wanted to debut with this group. And now, because of his own actions, that might not be possible.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minho was so frustrated with himself he could barely think straight. But that frustration felt a lot like helplessness. Because of his mistake, everything was out of his control now. There was nothing he could do to fix his shoddy performance and he just had to accept the results, no matter what they may be, no matter how much he hated it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hated feeling helpless.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not the end,” Changbin said, grabbing Minho’s hand. “It’s not going to be the end.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Minho rubbed the tears from his cheeks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why are you crying?” Changbin asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s sweat,” Minho lied. “Just sweat.” If this was the last time he’d be standing with this team, he would do so with a brave face, as though his world wasn’t already ended.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Felix reached for him, but Minho pulled away, not wanting his soulmate to feel the war of emotions within him. For just a few more minutes, he would protect him from this despair; let him have hope that their dream of nine wasn’t over yet. At least he could do that much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The last team completed their performance, but Minho barely heard what critique JYP had for them. The next thing he knew, they were all nine standing in the middle of the stage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The eliminated member is...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why had they even dared to hope?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Minho.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why had he even dared to dream?</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Mayhaps I got a little carried away with Minho's backstory.....</p>
<p>Hope you're all doing well, staying safe, being healthy, feeling happy. Thanks so much for reading and all the feedback so far.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A beam of light slipped through the crack of the door and drew Chan’s attention away from his laptop. His gaze drifted past his roommate, who was fast asleep at this late hour, and briefly fixed on the empty bed where Minho should be, before he forced himself to look towards the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changbin peered back at him from the narrow slit of the barely opened door. Once they made eye contact, Changbin tilted his head invitingly, then pulled the door closed before Chan could offer a response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan looked back at his laptop, eyes drifting to the time in the corner of the screen that he’d been purposefully ignoring. 1:27AM. He sighed and looked away from the time to the paused video taking up most of the screen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the first night in the dorm without Minho, so of course Chan couldn’t spend it sleeping. He’d asked for recordings of all their performances and had spent the evening picking apart every second of it, searching for every mistake and shortcoming and figuring out how to fix them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The team as a whole deserved to rest after that last exhausting mission for the survival show, but Chan could not afford to do the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minho was gone and Chan blamed no one but himself. It was his own failings that had put them in this position. If he’d been a better leader, Minho would still be here. If he’d been a better leader, his team wouldn’t be hurting now. He couldn’t take a break if it meant the risk of losing someone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t help but look towards the empty bed where his missing soulmate should be, as though Minho would magically appear there in the dark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bed stayed empty, of course.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan sighed and forced his attention away, looking instead at the other occupied bed in the room. He couldn’t help but smile softly. At least he hadn’t lost everyone and been left alone again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stretching, Chan climbed out of bed and decided to go check on the rest of the members before joining Changbin. He crept softly across the room and out the door, glancing back briefly to be sure he hadn’t woken his roommate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first room he checked was the four person room. He pushed the door open softly and looked around. Two of the beds were empty, but Chan wasn’t surprised by that. In the two other beds, Hyunjin and Jeongin slept soundly; Hyunjin flat on his back and Jeongin still holding his phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan crept quietly across the room and pulled the phone from their youngest member’s hand. He glanced around the room, eyes straining in the low lighting until he found an unused charger at one of the outlets. He plugged in Jeongin’s phone, then crept over to Hyunjin’s bed and pulled his blanket up over him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan smiled and looked the two of them over once more, then stepped back out of the room, pulling the door closed behind him. He then turned the other way and headed for Felix and Seungmin’s room. He opened their door slowly, just wide enough for him to peek in and for the light from the hallway to illuminate the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix’s bed was empty, which wasn’t something Chan had expected, but he didn't have time to worry before he noticed the two figures in Seungmin’s bed. Felix was completely wrapped around Seungmin, arms around his waist, face pressed against his chest, clinging to him as though he was a stuffed animal. It was admittedly cute, but Chan was conflicted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were dried tear tracks on both Felix and Seungmin’s faces, but the two boys both looked peaceful in their sleep. The two of them had been the most visibly upset at Minho’s elimination. As soon as the elimination was announced, they had begun crying as though their world had ended, their dreams shattered. It had taken a while to calm both of them down. And now here they were, sleeping peacefully together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On the one hand, Chan was glad they could find comfort with each other, but on the other hand he was a bit worried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix and Seungmin were soulmates and the soulmate system was far from perfect. When two soulmates were feeling the same emotion, they fed off each other. If one soulmate was feeling joy, and the other was also feeling joy, that joy would combine when they touched to amplify and grow bigger and become a feedback loop of endless joy that lingered even after they stopped touching. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was good for positive emotions, but unfortunately it worked the same way for negative emotions as well. Two soulmates who were feeling the same sadness would, upon touching, find themselves spiralling deeper down as their sadness echoed back and forward and grew stronger the longer they touched. And just like amplified joy would linger after the touch ended, so too would this sadness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was the biggest flaw in the soulmate system. When both soulmates were upset, instead of being able to comfort each other, they dragged each other further down. However, with familiarity and practice, it was possible to control this and cut off the feedback loop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Familiarity brought the ability to distinguish a specific person’s emotions from anyone elses no matter what they were feeling; it was like everyone’s emotions had a specific taste that was uniquely theirs. Once you learned to recognize that unique taste, you could touch multiple soulmates at once and be able to tell who was feeling what without a doubt. And when two soulmates were feeling the same emotion, being able to distinguish which feelings belonged to the other person could stop the feedback loop before it grew too big.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan wasn't sure how familiar Felix and Seungmin had grown since joining the group or if they could separate their own emotions from each other yet. If the two of them were both feeling the same sadness, would cuddling like this harm them? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But their peaceful sleeping faces revealed that hadn’t been the case. Neither of them appeared to be distressed, so Chan could only assume they were okay and he didn’t need to separate them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was happy they’d been able to find comfort with each other. Silently, he stepped out of the room and headed for the living room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changbin and Jisung were pressed together at one end of the sofa, Jisung with his knees drawn up to his chest and his head lying on Changbin’s shoulder, Changbin with an arm wrapped around Jisung, while they both stared down at the screen of the phone Changbin held in his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>From where he stood on the other side of the room, Chan could just barely make out the familiar music coming from the phone. It seemed he hadn’t been the only one reviewing their performance at this late hour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t you two be in bed?” Chan asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changbin and Jisung looked up at him for a second, then Jisung shrugged and turned back to the phone. “Couldn’t sleep,” he mumbled, though there was audible exhaustion in his voice. “Still can’t believe this is real.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Budge over,” Chan ordered, crossing the room and forcing some space for himself between the two of them. Changbin and Jisung moved without complaint, each immediately curling into his sides as soon as Chan sat down. Chan wrapped an arm around each of them and held them close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was something familiar to all of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan had started to close himself off after being left behind by friends and soulmates throughout his years at JYP, but Jisung and Changbin had come and broke down his walls with little to no effort. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The three of them had come to depend on each other, lost and lonely strays brought together by fate and ambition. They’d formed 3RACHA and started releasing their music online, only to be met with indifference and disinterest, causing them to question themselves. Many late nights had found the three of them curled up together struggling with emotions too big to handle alone. None of them tried to manipulate or change each other’s emotions, just offered comfort with their presence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sorrow. Guilt. Denial. Frustration. Self-recrimination. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changbin and Jisung’s emotions at this moment were a loud echo of Chan’s own. Grief underlined it all. They were mourning their dreams of nine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The three of them were close enough to be able to tell their emotions apart, so Chan wasn’t worried about them dragging each other further down, but still, the added weight of their emotions on his own was heavy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you both feeling such dumb emotions?” Chan said aloud, but the thought he projected to them was </span>
  <em>
    <span>your emotions are valid, it’s okay you feel this way, we’ll get through this</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Changbin elbowed him in the side. “Pot, meet kettle.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s my fault</span>
  </em>
  <span>, his thoughts said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I should have been better.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan bit his lip and squeezed Changbin tighter. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Not your fault. You did your best.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You trusted me to guide him and I let you down. I’m sorry.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not your fault,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Chan repeated, backing it with stubborn conviction that Changbin could feel and not deny. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m the leader. It was my job to keep us all together. I’m sorry.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not your fault either,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jisung projected, pressing his face into Chan’s chest and reaching across him to grab Changbin’s wrist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jisung and Changbin touching while being in Chan’s arms felt like closing a circuit; their emotions filtered through all three of them, finding validation and understanding and reassurance and support. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan was suddenly overwhelmed, not by their current emotions, but by the constant underlying emotion that was always present when they were together. He loved them. He loved them more than he loved himself. He honestly felt he would not be able to keep going without them at his side, but at the same time he felt he could keep going </span>
  <em>
    <span>because</span>
  </em>
  <span> they were at his side. They made him feel as though anything was possible, that no dream was too big, that the three of them together could conquer the world. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you, I love you, I love you,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he projected, not with his thoughts, but with every fiber of his being. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you and we’ll get through this. Because you’re with me, we’ll get through this</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And from them, he felt it too. They loved him just as much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sorrow and the guilt and the frustration were still there. Love didn’t make those emotions magically disappear, but it did blunt the sharpness of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan turned and pressed his face first into the top of Changbin’s head, and then Jisung’s, giving them both small kisses. Jisung tilted his face up and brushed a kiss along Chan’s jawline. Changbin projected a wave of warm affection to both of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The three of them had never discussed the nature of their soul bonds. For them, it was enough that they loved each other; it never mattered if that love was romantic or platonic. Maybe it would matter one day. Eventually, they would all have to figure out the tangled web of soul bound and non-bonded relationships tying the nine of them together. The love Chan felt wasn’t limited to Changbin and Jisung, it extended to all of his members, including Minho, and was felt to no lesser degree. So yeah, eventually they would have to define the nature of their bonds, but for now, this was enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chan yawned and relaxed into the couch, exhaustion catching up to him all at once. Jisung yawned in turn. And then Changbin as well. None of them made a move to go back to their own beds. Changbin drew his knees up to his chest and rested his head on Chan’s shoulder. Jisung spread out over the rest of the couch with his head in Chan’s lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were all asleep before they realized it.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ALLLLLLLLLL IN! sorry, i was so pumped by the mv this morning, i almost forgot to post this. I'm mad because I didn't want to buy the Japanese album, but All In is so good, I can't not buy it. Anyway.....</p><p>So, I'm telling you now, I probably won't have the next chapter up on time. I've been stuck in this chapter for like a month now and I don't see myself coming unstuck in the next week. I will try though.</p><p>Thank you all so much for the feedback so far. I generally don't respond to comments because I never know what to say, but I do read them all and I really appreciate it and I'm just very grateful. Thank you.</p><p>Hope you're all happy, healthy, and hydrated. See you next whenever...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Yang Jeongin was Stray Kids’ weakest link. He knew this. He was practically told as much every time he stood in front of JYP PD-nim. His dancing was terrible. His voice was subpar. His stage presence was lackluster. He was all around the worst member of their team. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minho hyung had messed up his lyrics in one performance, but Jeongin’s every performance was consistently bad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only thing he brought to the team was a cute maknae for the members to dote on, a role that could just as easily be filled by Seungmin. Really, the only reason Jeongin was there was because Chan wanted all his soulmates together. If not for that, Jeongin knew Chan would have never chosen him. Why would he choose him when everything about Jeongin was so unstable that trying to debut him now would be so much of a risk?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It made no sense that he would still be here when Minho hyung was not. He felt guilty that he was still here when Minho hyung was so much more talented in every aspect, and even more guilty over the fact that his first reaction to hearing Minho’s name as the one eliminated had been relief. He’d been relieved that it was Minho and not him who was sent away, and it ate at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The relief was only there for a brief second before he was struck with the same grief as everyone else, but he couldn’t forget that he’d felt it and felt guilty all the same. Still, guilt was a useless emotion, so he turned it into determination instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was determined to prove himself. Prove that Chan hadn’t made a mistake in choosing him. Prove that Producer-nim hadn’t made a mistake in letting him stay this long. The hyungs believed in him and he would not let them down. He would prove their faith wasn’t misplaced. He would make them proud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you have the skill yet to battle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yang Jeongin was Stray Kids’ weakest link, but he would not be their weakness. He would not hold them back. He would not be the reason they failed. He would not make them waste their time babying his feelings when they could be practicing. If all he could be was a burden, then he didn’t need to be there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gotcha!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeongin let out a surprised squeak, his body tensing up in fright as he was suddenly grabbed from behind, only to relax a second later once it finally registered that it was Felix who’d pounced on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hyung,” Jeongin groaned in complaint as he tried to wiggle his way out of the other’s arms. He twisted around enough to see Felix’s face, just in time to see his smile fall into a confused frown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Innie, what’s wrong?” Felix asked, suddenly serious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix frowned and tightened his arms around Jeongin. Jeongin could feel his concern in the same way Felix could feel Jeongin’s internal turmoil. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I swear I’m fine,” Jeongin insisted as though the words could mask the truth his soul revealed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix stared at him contemplatively, then said something in English that Jeongin could not understand. Seeing Jeongin’s confusion, a brief wave of frustration passed through their bond, then the next thing Jeongin knew, he was being dragged down the hall and forced into Felix and Seungmin’s shared bedroom. Jeongin protested and tried to struggle free, but Felix hold was firm and unrelenting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment they’re in the bedroom, Felix shoves Jeongin away. Jeongin let out a surprised screech as he fell, only to be caught by another set of arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He says he’s fine,” Felix said as Seungmin’s arms closed around Jeongin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeongin squawked in protest and once more tried to wiggle free, but Seungmin held him firmly in place.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're not fine," Seungmin stated, gripping Jeongin tighter; having no trouble pulling up the emotions Jeongin was trying to keep hidden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am fine,” Jeongin grumbled as though saying it one more time would make it true and make his nosey soulmates leave him alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungmin ignored Jeongin’s words in favor of pulling him into his bed. Felix immediately crawled into bed after them, leaving Jeongin sandwiched between the two with no way to escape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to be fine,” Felix stated, pressing close to Jeongin and wrapping an arm around him. “It’s okay if you’re not fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s not okay,” Jeongin said before he could stop himself. Tears sprung up in the corner of his eyes and he stubbornly rubbed them away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?” Seungmin asked. “What’s wrong with you having feelings?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeongin didn’t want to answer, but he could feel the steady comfort both of his soulmates were currently projecting to him and it made him weak. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I’m upset everyone will worry over me,” Jeongin said, his voice trembling over the words. “And if everyone wastes their time worrying about me, then they won’t have time to practice or they’ll be distracted and make mistakes and someone else will be eliminated and it’ll be all my fault because I’m just a burden.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly he yelped in pain. “What was that for?!” Jeongin asked indignantly, rubbing this thigh where Seungmin had just pinched him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not going to just sit here and let you insult my friend,” Seungmin said with a stern look in his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Jeongin asked, confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My friend, who I care about a lot and who I want to be happy because I care about him, I’m not going to just let you call him a burden.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What he means is, caring about you and worrying about you isn’t a burden, Innie. And I assure you, we’re capable of caring about you and looking after ourselves,” Felix said, squeezing Jeongin’s hip reassuringly. “No one else is going to be eliminated. But, heaven forbid, if someone is, it won’t be your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeongin curled into Seugmin’s arms and buried his face against his shoulder to hide the tears pooling in his eyes. He wanted to believe them. He wanted to believe that no one else would be eliminated. He wanted to believe that it wouldn’t be his fault if all their dreams fell apart again, but…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was relieved when Minho-hyung was eliminated,” Jeongin admitted softly, knowing the others could feel the waves of guilt pouring from him. “I didn’t want him to be eliminated, but I was happy that it was him and not me. I’m so selfish. Hyung was so talented, he deserves to be here, he deserves to debut. But I’m just useless. Why am I even here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t I say stop insulting my friend,” Seungmin grumbled, gripping Jeongin tighter. “You’re not useless. You’re here because you have such a great and unique voice and your own charm that fits well with the rest of us. You’re here because you deserve to be here as much as any of us.“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix threw a leg over Jeongin and hooked it around Seungmin, using it to pull the three of them closer together. “We’re all selfish, sometimes, Innie. No one is going to blame you for being relieved that your dream wasn’t snatched away from you. You’re allowed to have feelings.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not just going to throw you away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Having soulmates around wasn’t new for Jeongin. His mom and both of his brothers were all his soulmates. Jeongin was very familiar with the comfort and support soulmates could offer in a way words alone could not. But, just because it wasn’t a novel experience didn’t make the waves of compassion and support crashing over him from both sides any less heart shaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeongin gave up the fight against his tears and just let them pour out as his soulmates drowned him in strength and reassurance. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello, sorry for the late update, though expect further delays going forward because i no longer have any idea what im doing so we're just gonna wing it and hope for the best <strike>somehow i always end up like this</strike></p><p>hope y'all happy, healthy, hydrated and safe. take care of yourselves. spare a moment to leave a comment if you can.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please comment. Stream Back Door.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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